How Couples can Restore Trust After It’s Broken
In relationships, broken trust is like a broken mirror. Technically you can put it back together again, but it’s really difficult. It’s probably not going to look exactly like it did before, and it’s definitely going to take a long time. But, if it’s a very important mirror – it’s absolutely worth trying.
Betrayals can be incredibly painful, and in the moment they may seem insurmountable. Complicating this, people define what a betrayal is differently. For example, your partner spending $50 without telling you might feel like it violates the norms and agreements of your relationship. However, a friend might feel this spending is fine in their own relationship.
What we can all agree on is most relationships will include some level of betrayal eventually. This doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed or that your partner is uncaring. Healing from betrayals is important so that the pain of that incident does not turn into resentment, disconnection and hurt.
There are several research-backed methods for rebuilding trust and healing from betrayals. In the end, this work can make your relationship stronger than ever.
Rebuilding the trust
When a betrayal is not healed, it can have lingering effects on your emotions, relationship, sense of self and sense of safety. The emotional impacts of betrayals include feeling sad, angry, depressed and anxious. You might feel down about yourself or question your judgement. You might have thoughts such as, “Can I really trust myself to know if someone will treat me well?”
Unfortunately, even if you leave the relationship where the betrayal occurred, you may still find it difficult to trust others. Your brain might tell you: “You have been hurt by someone you trusted before, what will stop it from happening again?”
Ultimately, your brain is trying to keep you safe from being hurt again, which may sound good at first. But if you’re always watching for future hurts, it can prevent you from truly healing and reconnecting with others.
What to do next
So, how do you go about rebuilding the trust? There are three research-backed steps involved in healing from a betrayal.
Apologize. First, the person who did the betraying needs to atone for their betrayal. This can be done in several ways. For example, the person can offer frequent reassurance that they care about the betrayed partner, that they are remorseful for their behavior and that they will work hard to not hurt their partner again. It is important during this phase to collaborate with your partner to create an action plan for how to handle triggers that remind you about the betrayal.
Talk. The next step is to rebuild your emotional connection with your partner. In this phase, partners should create space to talk about the betrayal and emotions surrounding it. It is important for the betraying partner to be transparent – i.e., sharing information freely and without prompting – and not just honest – i.e., offering accurate information when directly asked for it – about the facts of the betrayal and what they are doing to keep future betrayals from happening.
Reconnect. This last step involves doing things to feel close to your partner again. This is a slow process where the betraying partner shows change through their actions and gradually, as trust is rebuilt, connection and intimacy can return to the relationship.
If the trust has been broken in your relationship, just remember this does not have to be the end of your relationship or your ability to experience safe, loving and close relationships. Healing takes time and is not linear. It’s important to allow yourself time to navigate the process of healing and finding a trusted third party – such as a therapist – might be helpful.
Not only is healing possible, but a relationship can be even stronger afterward – just imagine how much trust you can have in a partner who has shown you they will work hard to make hurts feel better!
This blog was originally published in the Alexandria Times on October 22nd, 2025. Link: https://alextimes.com/lifestyle/how-couples-can-restore-trust-after-its-broken/